I am currently sipping my Tim Hortons Iced Cappuccino with a scarf and knitted yarn hat while gazing out at the cold rain on the other side of the glass and laughing inwardly at people who happen to be outside. There's just something oxymoronic, ironic and boarder line wrong about that, don't you think? Those poor people shivering in the cold and I am willingly sipping in the cold.

Creepy news my mother told me yesterday, my older cousin #2 (I have 2) is now pregnant and will be married in March. It's weird. i can't imagine her as a mother. I just can't. To me, she will always be that too-cool-to-hang-out-with-much-younger-me teenage cousin. I suppose, that's when I most saw her, when she was my age now... but that is 9 to 10 years ago, yet that's how I remember her. I wonder if this is a wanted baby. Or was she really just that stupid?

It came as a shock to me when my older cousin #1 got married and had kids, I mean I shouldn't be all that surprise, seeing she really is A LOT older than me... like 15 years or something like that. But she kept herself really well. Even though she has two kids, so looks like someone without one. On top of that she has a pretty good career. I have always wonder what it would be like to be the daugher of a woman with so much education and so beautiful. It must be quite a life.

Yesterday night, I worked on my resume for a very long time. I don't see how that worked since really the resume was only a page. But for some reason it took me forever. I don't like resumes because it makes me think of the future, and I don't like thinking of the future since I really can't quite imagine myself content. I won't be miserable I suppose, but I will not be happy either. Isn't that a depressing thought?

Yesterday, Jon told me about Ayaka, a Japanese girl he is chasing. I don't know how exactly I feel about that. I don't feel bad. I don't feel happy either. I thought, since I felt so guilty about breaking up that I would feel very relieve and joyous when I he get s new girlfriend. But that's not exactly how I felt. Nevertheless I felt pretty happy yesterday when I talked to him, he sounded very happy, and for that I was happy for him.

After all, he deserves to be happy, perhaps more than me.

Kenneth and Aren told me I am too harsh on myself sometimes. Perhaps they are right. But I think, it's better to be too harsh on yourself than be too easy on yourself. It keeps you accountable for your own actions, it keeps you from being a big jerk, it keeps you from offending people too badly. You are annoy people with your self consciousness, but they can't hate you too much for it when you don't force this believe onto others.

Well, my medium cup of iced capp is finished so I should stop writing.

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