I got a new shiny Dell laptop. Okay, fine, it's really not that shiny, and the stupid shell got scratched after 2 weeks of usage. But it's still new. Comparatively. It's a pretty good comp though for $999.99. It has a 80gig hard drive, Pentium M, 512 ram, etc, basically everything a frequent anime watcher like me needs to download everything. My only complaint is that it has a 15.4 screen, meaning this is very heavy. Since I need to haul it to school for some of my classes, it gets kind of irritating. But nevertheless a laptop is better than no laptop.

I am not a frequent blog reader, but happened to dropped by this artist's little live journal (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fanartist/). I personally think it is one of the better ones I have visited. That girl's life seems very similar to mine from what I can see. She goes to church and talks about church quite a bit, and the best thing about the whole journal is that it is clean like mine (for once, someone don't swear on the blog like me!! *gasp in utter shock*).

I haven't talked about church much these days. So I thought I should at least dedicate one post about church just to show I still go. I don't really know why I go there sometimes, since I always try to do something else other than listening during sermens. Maybe I go because I want to talk to those people there. Maybe I go because it is easier than argue with my parents. Maybe I go because of God's interferance. Who knows? The point is I still go every weekend to worship and often also to fellowship.

I still refuse to take the communion though, or get baptized.

See, logically, I think believeing in a God is beneficial in all ways. If there really is a God then you will be saved, and if there isn't a God it wouldn't matter at all. But still, can't get past something I don't even know what. It is not the fact I don't believe I sinned. Of course I sinned (cheat, lie, hurt people without me even knowing...). Everyone sins one time or another. That's not the problem. It is not the fact I don't believe there is a God either. Life is much more meaningfull and much less absurd if I attribute predestined aspects to a higher being. Even if we are only amusing chess pieces played by the God up there, at least there is a purpose for our existance. If there is no God, then life is just a random possibility, and completely trivial. Okay I can say a lot more about believes I share with the Christian community, but I am not going to go into that.

The point is, for some puzzling reasons, I am a frequent church going for the last 8 years of my life, but I still don't call myself a Christian. Good grief. I think I am insane (Jonathon is wrong, I am insane after all).

1 Comments:

• At 3:48 PM,  Anonymous said…

  I don't know, I still don't think you're insane. I don't think logic and sanity necessarily correspond; I mean, look at those dystopic novels we read: the society is based on logic, but insanity is present in every level of the social pyramid. Hate to do this, but look at 'Handmaid's Tale', (assuming the men AREN'T sterile) the society would then make sense - however, this logical society breeds insanity through repression. (wow, i used breed...that's quite a pun). So Ori, I think your unlogical tendencies make you more sane than ever - if that in any way is logical. - Jon

   

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