Ahhhh... let's see, yesterday I was angry at Laina, I am not anymore. I find I can't be mad at one person for a long time. I can never hate a person a lot either. Ah well.

It snowed yesterday, so I guess that was what lightened my mood. It's very pretty with everything all blanketed in white.

The year is finally going to end. I don't think I have much to say. I am never big on new year. To me it's just another day. I suppose I can comment on how the year went by a little slower than last year.

I guess I can also comment on my bitterness toward swimming. Which is not a great thing to comment upon, but you know what? I no longer care. I don't feel bad for missing practices, and I don't feel bad for being the slowest in the group. You can't say I have no ambition, I used to have a lot of those. I used to had hopes and dreams about how great I will be at swimming, but you know what? It all comes down to nothing. I made a choice and I am not going to regret it now. I can't actually do my best all the time in everything.

So now I am not going to even try to be perfect cause I know I am not. That and the fact that the coach doesn't really care also made me loose interest. I am not blaming everything on him of course. It's partly my fault too. Everything go in circles after all, and the more I disappoint him because I can never get to a practice early the less he cares for me. So because I see that he no longer cares I stop even trying to be early. He see that I don't make any effort so he decided to care even less... and on and on it goes until now where he doesn't care at all and neither do I.

It's sad, I suppose, to think how much I cared about this sport a few years earlier, but then again, once you lost faith in something the magic is just gone forever.

I just hope that will not happen to my schoolwork.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say.

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