School... I don't know, I suppose I like it generally. It is as good as it can be going to a new school with no friends or anyone I know. I like the teachers and I can stand most of my classmates. It's just that these days I am not swimming anymore and combind with the fact that I don't get to see my friends any more, it has drained me emotionally. Today, I just stared crying when I was in an instrument shop becuase my musical brother wants to get drum sticks. You see I don't play any instruments. I didn't even want to go but then my mom wanted me to... so I did. But what it reminded me was that while my brother have music which he is proud in I have nothing anymore. Nothing at all.

I used to have swimming but this year I stopped so I guess I don't have that either. You know by the end last school year I was already hardly swimming. I thought I can drop swimming just like that and I would be fine. I suppose I would be if I didn't change school too... but I did and suddenly two of the most important parts of my life - my best friend and swimming just disappeared in thin air. Now I have nothing that defines me.

Damn it! Tears are flowing from my eyes again! I want to talk to my friend Laina so much! But I know she is not home. She is never home now a days. She is always at her boyfriend's or something. She is never there anymore! And I know I can't blame her. She doesn't have to hang around me when she finds better company... and I know she doesn't want to be around me that much anyway... And I know, no matter what I do my firends will one day leave in some ways and that one day we won't be friends anymore... But I can't help it that I want to talk to her. I just want to talk to some one... Anyone who would understand me perfectly. And she is the only one who would that I know in real life.

Everyday when I go to school I always thinks how wonderful it would be if Laina is there. And I would then realize that she is not there... And I know that soon my place would probably gone in Laian's heart too and I just can't help it but feel so sad. I mean I already taken over in her heart by her boyfriend. She doesn't care for my existance half as much anymore anyway. But I can't help it if I can't find a friend who I like as much as I like her...

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